just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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