i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
