What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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