apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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