I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize