I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i drank out of a bidet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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