I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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