I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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