This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There r osticjed everywhere
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
