a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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