just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
