mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
