I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize
