After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
