Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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