I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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