I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
