fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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