I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize