I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
