i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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