remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
