she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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