My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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