Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
