It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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