forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
