I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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