If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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