Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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