after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
