it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize