Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
