Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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