also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
