My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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