I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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