Can i not drive my cunt home
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
