My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
