God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dear god my vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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