i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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