I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize