are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
