I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
