So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
