I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
