This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
