i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
