Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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