is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
