I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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