I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
