After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
