I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
