we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize