i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
