my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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