I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
