It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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