I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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