my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
