After last night, I could never be a politician.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
