Soap is not a condiment
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
